Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
