is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
