Soap is not a condiment
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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