New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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