I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
