Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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