Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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