i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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