yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so let's talk penis.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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