need another drink. this is the easiest way
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
