Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
