i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
