I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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