I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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