i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
