Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
