drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
