We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
