He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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