There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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