I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
