Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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