Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
