I CAN MOONWALK!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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