He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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