Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
