1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
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