so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
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