peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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