Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
