I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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