Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
