If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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