Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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