I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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