Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
God, I missed his penis.
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