you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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