are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
