Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
