I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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