Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
