Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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