This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
