dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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