drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
