another moral hangover. fuck.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
