I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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