I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
