Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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