There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
