oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
