Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
