Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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