I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
