My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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