I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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