I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
